Thursday, January 17, 2013

sometimes I feel guilty

I get to self-publish my first novel.

I get to eat taco pizza and nutella - popcorn and mangoes - a sip of hot coffee in the morning and a sip of cold beer before bed.

I get to go to college and earn a degree in whatever field I so desire.

I get to complain about universes that don't exist, people I will never meet, and events that have no significance on my everyday life whatsoever.

To put it in even simpler terms...I get to walk.

I get to feed myself.

I get to sing off-key.

I get to sit down and type something.

But you knew all this already.  And chances are, you can do all those things to.  So what's my point?

Hannah can't do any of those things.

Hannah will never publish a book, know what a fresh strawberry or a chocolate fudge mousse cake tastes like, or earn any sort of education.  She will never walk or feed herself or sing a song in the shower.

All she will be able to do is look up at people and give them the sweetest smile.

Here's a thought.

If I'm able to do all of those things...

Why is Hannah the one who is always smiling up at people - and not me?

Of all the things I can do, why don't I smile?

Why is it her instead?


  1. Don't feel guilty. I believe Hannah would go really far someday :)

  2. This made me tear up.. I'm so glad you commented on my blog so I could find yours! It is nice to hear of a siblings perspective since as the mother I often wonder how CdLs will affect my other children.. I completely agree though that all the things we take for granted and are "supposed" to make us happy really don't. True happiness can often be found in people like Hannah and Ella. Wonderful perspective!

    1. Thanks, I was really happy to find your blog a couple months ago. Ella seems like a beautiful and very special young girl and I wish the best for you and your family.

      My dad and I are still building the blog up, so in the near future he will be posting more from his own perspective on Hannah :)